Don't wait for abuse to get even worse warns Wealden domestic violence victim

A MOTHER who was violently abused by her partner is advising other women to get help if they are suffering from domestic abuse.

The latest figures show there have been 439 reported incidents of domestic abuse in Wealden in the year up to September.

But Graham Lindfield, a victim case worker from Sussex Police, believes this figure is just the "tip of the iceberg" and said women were abused an average of 35 times before they first contacted police.

Mr Lindfield said: "It's a very brave thing for them to do.

"There are so many different factors in relation to the pressure put on people in relationships and to find that courage to start anew."

For one 32-year-old from north Wealden, whose identity we are protecting, it was a matter of life and death that made her finally seek help after suffering abuse for ten years.

She said: "I basically used to think that my partner was like an invincible monster who would find me wherever I was – I would never be able to get away.

"I was so frightened.

"He would always go for my throat and always try to pull my Adam's Apple."

She said the abuse worsened four years into the relationship after she fell pregnant.

"He attacked me really violently, then I knew I had to do it properly and go to Refuge. Otherwise it would go on until me or my child was dead," she said.

Refuge, which has homes in Wealden, Lewes and Hastings, is the country's largest accommodation provider for women and children escaping domestic violence.

She moved into one of the houses run by Refuge in Wealden in 2010 and stayed there for 15 months.

"I could not see my family for a long time because of the risk. I was looked after and went there to rest," she said.

"If I knew places like this existed before I would have gone sooner.

"I just want to say to people that if you ever get alarm bells, just go. If they do it once they will do it again, 100 per cent."

She believes there are certain signs of domestic abuse to look out for, which include physical violence, sexual control, financial abuse, intimidation and using weapons like pellet guns.

"He made me think I was going mad," she said.

"My confidence was knocked out of me. Before I went to Refuge I was not really living, I was just existing."

Refuge has been providing domestic violence services in East Sussex for 12 years and has supported more than 1,000 women and 700 children.

Anyone who is worried about a friend or family member should contact www.1in4women.com, www.refuge.co.uk or call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence free helpline on 0808 2000 247.